We’ve received a few cards and notes from Jed’s friends, and some photos, for which we are grateful.Today we received a beautiful painting by a young friend, Olivia, who now raises money for horses by selling her paintings online.
Take a peek at the gift we received;

and on the back she copied one of our favorite horse poems…

We love this painting of Jed, and will keep and treasure it, along with ‘Little Jed’, the beautiful puppet created by our friend Beth.
They are echoes of the horse that was.

Many friends still talk about Jed, and share his story, as they hear about his final chapter with us.
My favorite quote so far, “That horse did more in nine months then most people do in a lifetime”.
We couldn’t agree more.
We miss your smiling face Jed. I still look for you over the hill in the morning, I still listen for your loud chomping, a sound carried and caressed by the wind in our little valley.

On the eve of the eve, en route to celebrate the holiday with family, I found myself compelled to stop at the horse auction. It was the same feeling I had the night I went and found Jed there, after having publicly announced my intent to NOT go. I felt that there was a reason that night, and a reason this night. The reason was a pair of frightened colts, and I brought them home for the same amount as Jed, $10. Was his spirit possibly there? I don’t know, but I could see Life, repeating.

The next day, with family at the christmas eve service, I watched my little niece and nephews participate in a nativity pageant, complete with handmade animal costumes. Tiny dancing sheep and goats and other creatures, in the nativity. We sang songs of course…”come and behold him, born the king of angels..” and something about this lyric, brought to mind a flash of Jed, my first vision of him. “Oh come let us adore him”… Gorgeous and tragic, head tied tight at auction, he is seared in my brain. I understand that any comparison of horse to human may offend some, but that lyric and the remembrance of Jed in such pain at the hands of man, literally caused me to choke up. The song continued, I spent most of the service trying to hold back tears, my mind elsewhere. Carrying Jed out of that auction house that night, and bringing him back to life, in our manger, was noble in it’s own small way. I guess I knew that he was on borrowed time but as you know, dear reader, we fully embraced Jed in our lives and our hearts.

Now the colts are home. Maybe six month old. They are still jittery and frightened, but learning quickly. I know they miss their moms but they are very curious. It was very soon that they peeked over the stall wall at the teenage horses. An older appy colt leaned towards them, and the baby boys clacked. As the appy colt clacked a year before. Have you ever had a moment, my friend, when the astonishing clarity of the circle of life is illuminated before you, and you realize that you truly will not always be alive, and neither will any creature, and that makes it all the more beautiful in it’s fragility? Such was the moment watching the thin little colts in Jed’s old stall, repeating ancient life patterns. Eventually death awaits them, but a wonderful life awaits them first.

Sometimes it’s difficult for me to express emotion face to face. Thank you for indulging me here, and allowing my heart to speak to yours.

Jed, back on Dec.2.

Not ready to look forward so still looking back.
Jed on 12/2/11, in the morning.
There are a lot of other photos of that morning that I am choosing not to share. Jed was in pain. But I do believe that to the end he knew he was loved.

I’m not going to keep posting these links on the FB page; that has to continue forward for the other 30 plus horses alive and thriving at RF. This is just me, grieving my horse. I know he was ‘my horse’ to a lot of people,
and THAT is awesome.

A soul so gentle and deserving of best that life has to offer, you were bound to days of labor and neglect. Knowing you as I did I am sure you did your job with pride and dignity, even if you were never noticed or appreciated. I sensed your good nature from the first I saw you leaning against the wall in the dark isle. Barely able to stand, abandoned and tied up without food or drink; you looked at me without a trace of bitterness. “Hey buddy, can you spare a little hay?” You knew not of love or compassion from man, but it was there within you. Unrecognizing of a kind hand, when offered, you responded in kind. You learned to rejoice in the touch of a loving hand, and instinctively knew how to return that love. So adoring; so were you adored. Looking up when called and greeting everyone with a captivating smile. All who came to visit were touched by your charm and poise. You were big in every way.

By the time we met your frame was broken though your will was strong. We fought a good fight my friend. The touch of your muzzle let me know you were happy here. I’m sorry your stay with us was so short. I’m sorry I couldn’t repair the damage done by cruel men. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you Jed. For your sake and mine.

Though your body is still and your light has gone out, the hearts and souls of the people you’ve touched have been changed forever. You are so missed.

It’s been one week, Jed.
The passage of time will continue to stretch, farther from the moment I last scratched your neck. Alas, ah me….

“Believe in your dreams.
Believe in today. Believe that you are loved.
Believe that you make a difference. Believe we can build a better world. Believe when others might not.
Believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Believe that you might be that light for someone else.
Believe that the best is yet to be. Believe in each other.
Believe in yourself. I believe in you.”
~ Kobi Yamada

When I was a child I wished for a horse every day. I thought no one heard me. Now decades later, I am getting every wish, in spades.
I’m wrestling today with making sense of the loss of Jed. Maybe nothing is ordained, maybe all that is in the sky are stars. Maybe what we see is all there is.
But what if….

What if, one long day a year ago, a kind hearted belgian gelding was trying his best to live his life; a life of hard work, basic food, but no medical care. No love. Treated as a piece of machinery on an amish farm, with no regard to his living being. His belgian family was all there, working hard for their entire lives, and when they were old, they would disappear one day on a trailer. No goodbyes, no tears, no comfort. And their life would soon be over. So what if, one cold, desperate night last year, this belgian looked up at the stars, and began to talk to them.

“God”, he began, “I understand that you made everything here, but why is our life so hard? Why aren’t we well treated? We try our best, but I am always hungry and always sore. My feet hurt so much and I am still young. Even my very nose is deformed from the tight halter cutting into my flesh and bone. I am afraid of the long life ahead of me, full of pain. Why aren’t we cared for?”
“Well”, God answered sadly, “I gave man dominion over the earth, but I also gave him free will (and he was supposed to do a better job with both). I can see that you are in much pain and your body is already breaking down, despite your youth. And I can see what a beautiful soul you have. What is your wish?”
“GET ME OUT OF HERE!” shouted the belgian joyfully, thrilled to have someone finally hear him and answer!
“I can do that”, answered God, “but it will come with a lot more pain. I will have to put you into danger in order to get you out. You may not live through it.”
“We work so hard, until our bodies break. Pain, on this earth, I know well”, replied the belgian sadly, “but before I leave this life, I would like to know Love”.

“Very well”, answered God, “you are my creature and you are loved by me, so I will send someone to show you kindness for your days on earth, even if they be short”.
“Thank you”, said the belgian, “I will repay this with all the love in my heart”.

Just maybe, this conversation happened.
Jed foundered irreparably almost a year ago, and was sent to auction to be sold to slaughter. Ironically, he was too sick even for the kill buyers to risk, because he was ready to collapse. No one wanted him that night. But us.

It is worth noting, that if Jed had not been ruined, he would be pulling a plow today and for another 15 years, and we would have never known the joy of him.

Never did a horse so enjoy being touched and petted like Jed. Never was a huge nose so gentle and curious, so willing and open to making friends with every human he met. Never has a horse here so fully embraced the love offered him here. He knew.

Jed it was an honor to call you my friend.

photo of Rene and me with Jed, 11/26/11, photo by Shay Gonen

Our golden boy has been released. He was on borrowed time here, time that was precious to all of us.

“I have but a day?
Then let me live my day.
Love me as if it was a thousandfold,
For indeed,
in your heart I shall remain,
for those thousand days, and beyond.

The love I have known,
the love I take with me, the love I leave behind,
is boundless.”
-D.R. Petrlik

photo adapted from Kit Kat Photography

Months ago, Jed was moved from the barn down the street, to a small field below the house. He soon moved from that field to an area just beside the other horses, roaming in the grassy area and visiting the other horses over the barn wall. All of this means that Jed is frequently visible from the kitchen window of the house.
Nice sight while the coffee is brewing early in the morning…

Jed saw Geri yesterday, who spent some quiet time with the horse she worked so hard to help.
Today, our friends Susan and Janice visited. Jed enjoys visitors, especially when the bring treats (Thank you Janice for the gifts of bedding and hay!). Jed enjoyed two flakes of second cut hay as an afternoon snack.
He was in a bit more pain today, so I increased his meds a bit, and Jed enjoyed being petted and loved on. Jed laid down for awhile, unusual for him mid-day, but I guess he needed the rest.
When he got up, he yawned and smiled.

Jed and Janice….

Jed and Susan….

p.s.; nearly 6pm, back from the dark barn, where Jed had let himself into the back area to work further on that bale of second cut. Still favoring first one, then the other front hoof, but happy, and talking to Rhett over the wall. They have a lot to talk about because Rhett cut his leg this morning and is sporting a bright blue bandage. He was trying to convince Jed to hand him some of that yummy hay in exchange for the full story.

Jed has been enjoying his new barn set up. Even if he hasn’t been comfortable with full on herd immersion, he has steadily increased his over-the-stall friendships. I snapped these two today, of Jed with a few of his friends….

Picasso and Jed

Jack stealing hay over Jed’s wall….